Last updated on 2/5/2023
Love Those Birds
Our house is like the deli of bird-dom. We have just enough cover to attract your everyday bologna-type varieties, such as cardinals and chickadees and sparrows. But there’s also enough woods and water around to draw your less common capicolla and smoked-herring types.
There’s a pair of great blue herons who commute cross-town every day. Their huge ungainly silhouettes startle us as they come flappin’ past just over the treetops. The goldfinches zip around wearin’ little letter sweaters. Our lone bluebird is so bright he glows in the shadows. When the ground gets real soggy in the fall, sometimes we get a pair of migrating geese. And we see at least 3 different sizes of woodpeckers, including the extra-large early-morning jackhammer type (probably not the scientific name).
All in all, a bird-lover’s paradise, no?
Hate Those Birds
Our house is like the 7th circle of ornithology hell. We’re close enough to the country to get your plain old hick birds, but close enough to the city so they pick up bad habits like smokin’ and swearin’.
The damn herd of sparrows we got is like an infestation of mice with wings. They eat everything that looks remotely like a seed, even the ones we’re tryin’ to PLANT, for pete’s sake. The chickadees nag us when we forget to fill the feeder – we have to yell at the little parasites, “Find your OWN, remember how?”
We have this one rotund robin that tips over the bird-bath all the time. I finally had to switch to plastic cause I got sick of spending $$$ every time he busted it, and the stupid birds didn’t even look that clean. We have to net the blueberries if we want any for ourselves, and then the feathered nimrods get stuck in the dang net and hang there by the feets until we rescue ’em.
In the meantime, mosquitos and yellowjackets and other NATURAL PREY of these witless avians multiply unchecked. Where is the so-called balance of nature when you need it? I beg you, people, where is it?
Mr Samuel, Ornikvetcholigist
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